January 2010
if you could only see the beast you’ve made of me, i held it in but now it seems you’ve set it running free, screaming in the dark, i howl when we’re apart, drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart..
i woke up so hungover with no memory of the night before. my new lip piercing is killing me, and i’m going to get through this evening with endless...
eugh had my fortnightly checkup with the counselor this afternoon, and as usual i’m feeling pretty crappy from it. i had a full on anxiety attack this time. she brought my parents in to talk to them as well as me and i just went off on own. it was horrible. and then she said i have a review in a week with a psychologist. great, yet another person i have to explain my whole life story to...
eugh do people really think their helping me get better by giving me shit about it. i’m doing the best i can without just caving in and giving up, so shut the fuck up at the end of the day.
i’m gonna go have a bath and resist the urge to drown myself in it.
today’s been alright. i think i’m starting to realise that i dont need you, i just want you. i’ll be waiting for the day when you realise what you want and need too. until then i’ll continue hugging myself to sleep.
as you can probably tell from the late hour, insomnia’s keeping me up yet again. how shit. but i’m trying to stay optimistic.
BUFF
alex tompkins has made my evening. i’ve gone from crying constantly from hours on end, to bopping around eating miniature cornish pasties shouting out lyrics to panic! at the disco :’)
no but srsly i would actually cum all over ryan ross ♥_♥
have you ever loved someone so much, you’d give it all for them, not the expression, no literally give it all for them. when they know they wear your heart and you know you wear their armour, and you will destroy anyone who would try and harm them.
these fantasies i’m having of lieing forever under the sheets cuddling and smoking and never having to leave him are slowly but surely...
don’t tell lie to me. don’t tell me you love me, ‘cos you don’t. don’t tell me i’m beautiful when i’m not. don’t tell me you care, when you would walk away from me when something else came along. don’t tell me my opinion matters, ‘cos you don’t listen anyway. don’t pretend you don’t talk behind my back, ‘cos your a...
i’m spending the majority of my time curled up in the bottom of my shower until the water runs cold. today’s been tough. i had no will power to even get out of bed, let alone plaster on my fake smile and tredge to college. so i’ve moped around the house all day. and now i’m forcing myself to go out and breathe some fresh air. insomnia struck once again last night, and it...
dear brain
did i mention i fucking hate you for your constant agonizing thoughts and lack of ability to be able to shut the fuck off.
yours sincerely,
your body.
most nights i can hardly sleep..
yet another day i have to explain my entire lifestory to yet another person who wants to “help me get through this”. is it so impossible to believe that i’ve always had this problem, underlying, just waiting to burst out, and i probably always will. i’ve never been the most stable of people. i’m a nervous wreck and things scare me shitless. but putting long words on...