i seek the purest form of love. complete, full and unconditional. the other half to complete my unfinished form. it’s something more natural than anything else in the world, not something i’ve learned to yearn for. nature not nurture. a passion-less lacklustre marriage with two kids and a three bedroom house is imagery that makes me feel sick to the stomach. someone who makes me forget all the hate all the evil all the sickness and death in the world. someone who breathes me in and i lose myself to them, that is what i’ve carried on struggling in hopes for. all my relationships fail because no one believes in real love anymore. it’s all about getting that 30k salary and a suitable spouse and living behind a white picket fence keeping up appearances. everytime i divest my entirety into another person, love running so deeply through my veins it burns white hot and they can’t understand or reciprocate or comprehend that depth of feeling that they reject, pull away, i lose a bit of myself. i lose a bit of that hope. i lose a bit of the drive to keep searching. i don’t think it exists anymore. everyone has discarded all drive or determination to seek it for themselves and consider anyone who still does as insane or over emotional. i can’t settle for second best, but i can’t keep fighting for a lost cause.